


To Love Again

by animangod



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Healing, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 11:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17579681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animangod/pseuds/animangod
Summary: Ken-mun and I were discussing ideas and he posed a question. What was Kurogane losing his virginity like. It took a bit but I had two answers it was either Fai or it was at Shirasagi.If it was at Shirasagi, I quote the last half of myself "because FWR needs him to lose his old self so Tomoyo will send him away, he would make sure his newfound love was murdered when he couldn't do a thing about it, just like his family and Suwa. It would once more drive in how powerless he is and how what good is his strength if he can't protect the ones he cares about. It would just add fuel to I need more strength so nobody else will be taken away from me."





	1. Asahi

Kurogane had been slowly recovering and adjusting to the changes. He chose to now serve Tomoyo, and Souma acted as one of his teachers, especially in regards to ninja training. He ended up worrying her a lot. When she had free time, Kendappa would teach him different strategies, whether that was Go or war. Tomoyo would usually teach him things over tea and plums, or have that after the lesson. They were his first teachers in Shirasagi.

 

Kurogane made acquaintances with many of the other warriors and nobles at Shirasagi. One in particular, a senior warrior of Kendappa's named Asahi, had taken an interest in helping teach him as well. Sunlight, and the name had seemed fitting. He had mismatched eyes - one a warm brown and the other nearly blind. Kurogane was not at all bothered by the heterochromia as it reminded him a little of his favorite retainer of his father's, Yukiyo, who only had one eye himself.

 

There was a gentle warmth about him, and as he proved in training, the gentleness disguised his real strength, and Kurogane liked that about him. Asahi was never afraid to spar with him, and he appreciated that about him. While Kurogane had more than enough strength to competitively spar, Asahi worked to outmaneuver him than to compete over who was the strongest, and Kurogane had landed on his back several times.

 

Asahi was loyal to the royal family and he respected that about him. It may not be his first family but he too vowed his loyalty to them. Specifically to Tomoyo but that didn't mean he couldn't also work to keep the rest safe from those who wanted to cause them harm.

 

Tomoyo enjoyed trying to surprise him and Kurogane would always know she was there. Souma usually waited outside doorways or by Tomoyo's side. Kendappa had scared many warriors from coming down from the roof. Asahi simply never hid himself and Kurogane became familiar with his presence being around a lot, just like that of the royal family and Souma, Tomoyo's senior ninja.

 

Unlike many of the other warriors, Asahi never shuddered in fear at the ghost stories Tomoyo and Kendappa told on rainy nights. He seemed to quite thoroughly enjoy them.

 

Asahi introduced him to some light sake and when they didn't have duties, they sometimes drank and chatted under the night sky. Sometimes, they would drink with the others and, while he was slowly building a tolerance, Kendappa outlasted any of them. When they fought assassins, he trusted Asahi to fare well but after checking that Tomoyo was safe, he then checked if Souma or Asahi were hurt. And there would be a little pride showing from Tomoyo, glad that Kurogane was slowly beginning to open up and care for others again.

 

Asahi would compliment his writing or how well he had done that day, and he was just as bad a teaser as Tomoyo when he got disciplined. Kendappa and Souma tried scolding and explaining why he was getting punished. Kurogane would be better for a while, but he never really changed his behavior to stop being put in kekkais though. Some teased him that he liked being put in the Tsukuyomi's kekkais from how often he was in them.

 

The guards and walls he had built after the death of Suwa had begun to come back down and he was beginning to be more open with others. However, he supposed it was alright that Tomoyo wasn't the only person he was concerned about. While she was still his number one priority, other things and other people could also be allowed to be important to him.

 

Kurogane knew only in theory what he was getting into when he slept with Asahi for the first time. It left him feeling extremely vulnerable as Asahi took his time with him, never rushing him. The intimacy of allowing him to touch as he pleased, of the care taken to make it good for both of them, and of Asahi's warm smiles kept stealing his breath. He supposed his favorite part was afterwards.

 

Asahi sent a kind smile his way and brushed at his hair, commenting it was just as tamable as Kurogane's heart, pushing it away from his face. And as intimate as the sex was, Kurogane thought falling asleep lying in each other's arms felt even more intimate and didn't care that he was late to training the next day.

 

It wasn't just once. And Kurogane thought the vulnerability he felt was worth the safety and comfort that came after while holding each other as they fell asleep together. Sometimes he asked for just the ‘after stuff’ and Asahi would knowingly smile and invite him in, to simply sleep together. There would be a tenderness there as Asahi played little games with some of his hair.

 

As part of those nights, Asahi always played with the ends of his hair and asked, “are you letting it grow out?” He would always reply “wondered if it suits me” and Asahi softly laughed as he twirled the hair around his finger, “it's nice but it looks better on me.”

 

Asahi gave light kisses, to his forehead, to his cheek, to his hand over that permanent scar. Asahi would distract his troubled mind with pleasant niceties and they would snuggle into one another and slowly fall asleep.

 

Tomoyo had really hoped this relationship would be good for Kurogane, but what they had equally feared happening became a reality.

 

There was a shrouding mystery over all that happened in Asahi's room on one unfortunate day. But the voice of Kurogane yelling ‘don't pull that sword out’ was heard by many. The fact he was kneeled by Asahi's bedside, the bowl of soup he had brought for him was hastily dropped on the floor, was not debated. And the fact Kurogane had once again lost someone he cared for was not questioned.

 

It took more than a week of gentle coaxing and encouragement before he would eat more than a couple bites. And when he finally came out of the room, he had cut his hair short.

 

Tomoyo was saddened by the death of Asahi, but it wasn't just Asahi that died that day. All the healing Kurogane had just done died with him.

 

It would take years and traveling to other worlds to heal his heart once again.


	2. Fai

It was quiet as Tomoyo had left them alone, saying she was going to bring back some food and tea. He thought it was as much real concern as to give them a few minutes of relative privacy. He heard her briefly say something and realized after a moment it was Souma there. He wondered briefly if he was losing his ability to sense the living and non living by their presence. For a moment, he focused and there was a sense of relief and humility that he hadn't lost it but he hadn't been alert enough to make use of it.  
  
Fai kneeled down beside Kurogane's sick bed and brushed a hand against his cheek which brought him back to the moment. “I'm glad you're alive,” Fai said sincerely.   
  
Kurogane smiled back some as he set his hand over Fai's. “S'good to be alive.”   
  
“I was…” Fai began but his words faltered for a moment. “I had thought I was going to lose you.”

Kurogane's expression softened some, “You weren't going to lose me.”

“How could you be so sure? You chopped off your arm. You could have… you could have died.”

There was a gentle sadness in his frown, “it didn't matter to me what it took… I wasn't about to leave you behind. We were all making it out of there alive.”

“How could you possibly have known that?”

There was a hint of a grin. “I didn't originally but..unlike someone else in this room, I still had a wish that needed granting. I had to make it out alive long enough to return here.”

“You reckless fool,” Fai softly chided.

 “Maybe,” he conceded. Kurogane let out a breath after a bit, his hand wrapping to hold Fai's with a gentleness.

Fai let him, and he moved his other hand to gently hold Kurogane's hand.

 “I'm sorry, Kuro-sama,” he said after a minute of silence.  
  
“For what?” he asked.

“For...for the way I had been treating you. I'm sorry.”   
  
“It's in the past,” Kurogane gently dismissed. At least, he hoped that was all in the past.   
  
“But...”   
  
“You had every right to be angry with me. So I may not have liked all your decisions, but they were your choices, and as long as it meant I hadn't lost you entirely, I was willing to put up with a lot of them. But if you pull another death wish or the likes on me again, I'll punch yur lights out."   
  
Fai shook his head some, “I don't know what I've done that you still refuse to give up on me.”   


“At first, I only saved your ass because it would have been a pain to have to tell the kids I let you die, Kurogane explained, “but at some point, I just… I didn't want you dead.”

Fai listened, his gaze drifting once to their three hands and then back up to his face.

“You died once on me already, in that dream like world. You died and there was nothing I could do about it…” That had hurt more than he realized it would, and when Fai and the kid turned up alive in the realer world, that had brought such a relief, the fight had lost its importance.

Fai saw the heavy-hearted expression and he wondered how he had been so blind to that before.

“During that Tokyo world, where that kid,... where he lost his heart…” It still stung to think of what he did when he was no longer himself. “I lost you once - I didn't want to lose you again. I was not about to be in love and have to watch my love die again. I wasn't willing to go through that again if there was something I could do…”  
  
For a moment, Fai didn't say anything. It was clear, no matter how far he drew the line, it wouldn't stop them from getting close.

“You.. you never mentioned having a lover before.” He assumed there had to be someone else because Kurogane hadn't _seen_ him die in Outo, and Kurogane wouldn't have seen him die with Celes, only know that he eventually would in the closing of Celes.   
  
“Why would I?” He shrugged with his shoulder, “it's in the past and not like you were ready for a, a heart to heart talk.”   
  
“...will you tell me one day? About your past?” Fai asked.   
  
“If you really want to know, then sure. Probably better outta my mouth than their highnesses.”   
  
Fai softly smiled at that. “It seems you really like them.”   
  
“Huh?”   
  
“Well Tomoyo-chan is kind and compassionate so I can see why you like her.”   
  
Kurogane made a short tch at that even as his expression grew introspective. “...she took me in after I had lost everything.”   
  
Fai understood that feeling. Ashura had done the same thing for him. “So is she like a …?” Fai began but wasn't sure what familiar relationship word to use.   
  
“She's like a younger sister who's also my boss and tells me what to do, and then I do what I want.”   
  
“How cute,” Fai teased softly. 

Kurogane felt a blush creep into his face.

"Speaking of her,” Kurogane began, clearing his throat, “I see she made you something," he commented.  
  
"Do you like it?" Fai asked, letting go of his hand to show off as much of it as he could from his kneeled position. “Tomoyo-chan said she made it for me.”

"It's. . . It's nice. Although I wonder what you told her that she made you one of these."

“Ahaha, well she said it would hold special meaning to you.”

“Mm...” he murmured softly, looking over the fabrics Tomoyo had used, and his hand moved from holding a hand to gently touching a sleeve's material.

“You gonna say what it is or are you just gonna keep admiring my clothes?” Fai asked.

“Well…” he took a breath, shifting his gaze to make eye contact. “Usually if an adult male wears one, it means he has a male lover.”

He wasn't sure what he thought he'd see on Fai's face, but slow dawning was not it.

“Oh…! So that's why….”

“Just what did you tell Tomoyo?” Kurogane asked curiously, making a perplexed face.

“A lot….you were unconscious, and I was worried sick, and she was so easy to talk to…”

Kurogane didn't want to get his hopes too high but he did ask, “you're saying you told her you're in love with me?”

Fai made a soft smile at that, “I probably said something like that. Why? Did you tell her something in that dream of yours?”

“...not… with words.”

“Well you don't always remember to use your words,” Fai softly laughed. “Father really needs to work on that.”

“Who's a Father?” he huffed out and reached to tug on Fai's hand, pulling him just enough off balance, Fai braced himself so he didn't land on any of the man’s injuries.

“Kuro-puu what were you thinking? You could have hurt yourself more.”

“Gonna figure out where you store all your weird ideas, and wash it out,” he said as he tousled Fai's hair, knocking his ponytail holder loose.

“But Kuro-tan, you like my weird ideas,” Fai said with a playful grin and laugh. “And you love~ my nicknames..isn't that right, Kuro-sama?”

Kurogane could hardly argue that. He had been annoyed by them at first, but he slowly, slowly got used to them that when Fai chose to stop them, it felt like his heart had stopped in that moment. He had missed all the silly names. Well, almost all of them. He stopped tousling Fai's hair, “except your Outo name…”

“Awh~ but it was so cute~” Fai grinned, as he moved to sit back up.

“What was cute about it?”

“Even if it at first it was a joke, it felt like we were a family,” Fai said as he straightened out his hair a little.

Kurogane went quiet at that.

“So from now on,” Fai stated, “unless I really need to use your full name, your name is Kuro-tan and Kuro-chan and Kuro-chu and Kuro-wanwan and Kuro-sama and Father and”

“That…” He began to say something before pausing, “that's fine. If it's you, it's fine.”

Fai smiled at that, “you know, Kuro-sama I bet you would look rather lovely in one of these too,” Fai moved his arms to indicate the furisode.

Kurogane flushed at that and looked off to the side, and Fai thought that was even cuter, and moved to hold his hand between his hands.

“My old one won't fit anymore.”

“Hwoo~ I knew it.”

“Knew? Knew what?” he asked, looking at him with the same expression he had when he learned he accidentally pawned his clothes to Yuuko.

“That you would look lovely in one. Otherwise Tomoyo-chan wouldn't have made it. But I bet I look even prettier. What do you think, Kuro-sama?”

“I… no point arguing that.”

It had been a long time since he had thought of those late night conversations he used to have, or the simple pleasure of laying in the same bed and basking in one another's presence.

If Asahi or his family of Suwa could see him now, he hoped they'd be proud of him and happy for him as he chose to love again, because he didn't plan to stop choosing to love again.

“Something on your mind?” Fai asked.

“Mm..? ..ah, just...you reminded me of a conversation I used to have,” Kurogane lightly dismissed.

“It must have been a good one. You were almost smiling there,” Fai brought up.

“I suppose it was,” Kurogane said agreeably.

“You know I'm going to ask you about that later.” Later. After they got Sakura back and Fei Wang Reed could no longer hurt them.

“If you still remember later, go ahead.” Later. After Fei Wang Reed was dead and they were all safe.

After a bit, Kurogane heard footsteps and turned towards the door and it didn't take long before Tomoyo walked in.  
  
She didn't comment on how instead of holding his head in pain from Fai's hand, Kurogane had his hand cupped in Fai's. She brought in the rice, soup and tea and kneeled on his side that lacked an arm.  
  
Kurogane took his hand back so he could eat, which wasn't as easy with one hand, but he still went about it until the food was gone. He may lack an arm, but he still had some pride.  
  
“I'm glad you can eat, Kurogane,” Tomoyo smiled.  
  
“Ah?”  
  
She softly tittered, Kurogane tsked at that, and Fai guessed there was a reason she brought that up. A reminder to Kurogane and something for him to pester the ninja about during that later. There was going to be so many things, but the first priority was for their group to heal and recover their strength.  
  
Kurogane began to move to get up, before his wounds sent a strong message and with a quick wince, his body persuaded him not just yet. Tomoyo was quietly proud of that, as it had been hard to get him to stay on bedrest when he needed it. And even if that habit wasn't gone entirely, it was still better than it was.  
  
“Want to hear a story?” Tomoyo offered.  
  
“It ain't raining though,” Kurogane rebuffed.  
  
“But you look all ready for one,” Tomoyo ohoho'd with a twinkle in her eye.  
  
Catching the twinkle, Fai moved to sit next to him, loosely wrapping an arm around Kurogane. “Yes - tell him a story,” Fai encouraged.  
  
And so Tomoyo began to tell a story to keep him occupied. Fai was impressed at how well Tomoyo could tell a ghost story. And he even playfully teased Kurogane, “don't worry, I'll save you from the ghosts.”  
  
Kurogane rolled his eyes. “You're more likely to get kidnapped by one.”  
  
“No I won’t because I have you to keep me safe from them. You have such a scary face, they’d run away from you.”  
  
Tomoyo giggled at that, Kurogane huffed, Fai gently patted Kurogane's head, and Tomoyo continued telling stories, while Souma stood guard outside.  
  
As the night wore on, Tomoyo bid the two goodnight as she had duties she needed to perform, but promised to see them the next day.  
  
“Is it okay if I stay with you tonight?” Fai eventually asked.  
  
“Ah, yeah…” Kurogane slowly moved to lay down fully while Fai settled down beside him and tentatively moved to lay at his side. Kurogane moved his remaining arm to wrap around his waist.  
  
“Thank you,” Fai began.  
  
“For what?”  
  
“For saving my life.”  
  
For a moment, Kurogane wondered which time he meant, before he loosely ruffled Fai’s hair, “Yeah well, wasn’t ever going to simply let you die on me.”   
  
“I should have realized that sooner.”  
  
“Yeah, you should have…”  
  
Fai let out a weak chuckle as he rested an arm over Kurogane's chest. “Well now you have the rest of your life to make sure I don't forget.”  
  
Kurogane was surprised at those words before a grin grew and he pulled him a little closer, ignoring his own aching wounds. “Good.”  
  
Fai didn't know how long he lay there with Kurogane, unable to fall asleep. He wanted to sleep, but his mind was too busy thinking. Thinking about the future. A future where they faced up against the man who orchestrated this.

He hoped he wouldn't wake Kurogane up though as he eventually worked to slip free. Just in case though, he softly whispered to him that he was just getting up to check on Syaoran-kun and Moko-chan and would be back soon.  
  
He got the barest noise in response as Kurogane's arm slackened. He took that as some sort of acceptance from Kurogane. With that, he quietly slipped out from underneath his arm and out of the room, sliding the door closed behind him. He saw guards stationed in the hall every few doors. As he said, he checked on them and saw they were sleeping together, Mokona tucked against Syaoran's cheek. They had woken up for a bit, but the battle in Celes had taken a lot out of them and they had gone back to sleep shortly after having a hearty meal.   
  
He headed back, and it seemed Kurogane was still asleep. He watched him for a minute, maybe two, before he quietly walked over and picked up the mirror in the room. Putting some distance between them, so he didn't wake him up when he spoke, he cast a spell. The round mirror soon displayed the image of the Dimensional Witch, Yuuko.   
  
“Ah, good evening,” he greeted her, speaking in hushed tones. “Although I'm not sure what time it is for you.”   
  
“I was wondering if you were going to call,” she replied.   
  
“Aha. Sorry to keep you waiting then. I was calling about Kuro-tan.”   
  
Her expression changed briefly before it went back to business, “what about him?”   
  
“I have a feeling he's going to need all his strength to fight so I'd like to make a wish. A wish so he doesn't have to go without a second arm.”   
  
“It will not be the same as the arm he cut off. That arm is no longer retrievable.”   
  
“I understand.”   
  
“The price…” a look of consideration “will be your remaining magic.”   
  
Fai paused, “if I hand over what's left, Kamui-kun and Kuro-sama's blood will keep me alive, right?”   
  
“..it will.”   
  
“Then, for him, I have no problem paying that price.”   
  
“Has something changed?” She asked.   
  
“You could say that,” and he looked back fondly at the sleeping figure of Kurogane before back at Yuuko. “I'm not going to waste his sacrifice anymore. He's just going to have to live with my presence from now on.”   
  
Yuuko almost smiled at that, “it seems things have changed. Then, when you get the replacement arm for him, I'll expect your payment then.”   
  
Fai nodded. “Thank you, Yuuko-sama.”   
  
“We shall speak again soon. Good night, Fai-san,” And like that, the connection was cut.   
  
Fai quietly put the mirror back before returning to Kurogane's side, “I'm back,” he spoke softly to Kurogane as he slinked back to his previous position underneath his arm. Soon, Kurogane's arm held him protectively once he returned to laying underneath it.   
  
It was a little overwhelming, but Fai imagined he could get used to this feeling. Laying his arm down across his chest again, he leaned his head on the man's shoulder and softly whispered, “I hope you have good dreams, Kuro-sama.”

**Author's Note:**

> The referenced sex is based on a normal custom of the time.


End file.
